Ironcast E3: PTSD Isn’t Fear—It’s a Fight (And I’m Still In It)
By Jake Seawolf | IronhideUSA.com
Men like us don’t like the word PTSD. We picture someone shaking in a corner, terrified of the world. That wasn’t me. I wasn’t scared—I was angry. Quick to snap. White-knuckle control. No sleep. Triggers I couldn’t explain. For years I said, “I don’t have PTSD.” What I meant was, “I’m not weak.”
This episode of Ironcast with my brother Mitchell Shepherd isn’t a pity parade. It’s a manual. It’s me putting cards on the table so other men stop dying in silence.
Afghanistan, Aftermath, and the Stuff You Don’t See
I was 19 the first time rounds cracked past my head. We weren’t in a firefight every day—Hollywood can keep that storyline—but we lost friends. We saw IEDs rip trucks and lives apart. We came home with more funerals from suicide than from combat. Three months after deployment we’d already matched our overseas deaths, and most people still think PTSD is just “being scared.”
My reality looked like this:
Helicopter rotors at night had me up, geared, hunting for a rifle that wasn’t there.
Someone grabbed my foot to wake me—instant fight mode.
Hospitals and surgery wake-ups? I’d come out swinging.
Sleep? Twenty-minute fragments fueled by NyQuil and stubbornness.
Am I ashamed of that? No. It’s just the truth. And truth is how you take ground back.
Big-T vs Little-T: Trauma Isn’t a Contest
Mitchell brought this up on the show: there’s Big-T trauma (war, homicide, rape, life-threatening disease) and Little-T trauma (the repeated micro-hits—sarcasm, tone, being belittled, slow erosion). Both can break your wiring over time.
He’s got his own PTSD from cancer and hospitals. For years I would’ve dismissed that. Now? I know better. Comparison kills healing. If it jacks your nervous system and hijacks your life, it’s real—own it, don’t rank it.
“I Didn’t Think It Was PTSD” — Here’s What Changed
A Guard NCO shoved me into a chair with our unit psychologist. I fought the label. He didn’t blink:
“PTSD isn’t about fear. It’s how you react to triggers and how those reactions run your life.”
That clicked. The swerving at roadside trash. The heat in my chest around burkas. The nights rehearsing missions that weren’t coming. It wasn’t weakness; it was wiring.
Owning that didn’t soften me. It sharpened me.
What Works (For Me)
I’m not selling miracle pills. I’m giving you the tools I actually use.
Talk—Early and Honest
I meet with behavioral health regularly. Some weeks are 20 minutes. Some are heavy. I’m also straight with my wife and my soldiers: if I’m off, I say it. One of them steps up; the team gets stronger.Move Your Body
Outdoor therapy is real. Rock climbing saved my life. So did lifting, mountain time, scuba, biking, and just grinding in the gym. Pick something that requires your brain and your lungs at the same time. Sweat clears static.Write It on the Mirror
Grab a dry-erase marker. Write 10 good things about yourself. Say them out loud. Sounds cheesy? Do it anyway. You need to rebuild the story you tell yourself.Structure > Spirals
I run startups, serve in the Utah National Guard, keep a training schedule. Busy isn’t avoidance if it’s deliberate. Purpose is better than rumination.Fix the Basics
Sleep, food, sunlight. I’m open about TRT—it brought my energy and sleep back to baseline. Not a directive; talk to a doctor. Point is, optimize what you control.No Numbing
Alcohol and drugs are depressants. They don’t heal; they hide and rot. I’ve buried too many friends who “just needed a drink.”
Leadership When You’re Not at 100%
Real leadership isn’t pretending you’re bulletproof. It’s saying: “You’re in charge today. I’m not right.” I’ve told soldiers that. Mitch has told his crew that. Every time, the team leans in—not out. Honesty breeds competence and trust. And it keeps you from becoming a headline your family has to explain.
Masculinity Isn’t Silence—It’s Accountability
If you think talking about your head makes you less of a man, you’re confused about masculinity. I still lead soldiers, deadlift 500, back squat 435, and I’ll hike Timpanogos for fun. None of that changed when I started telling the truth. What changed is I stopped being a danger to myself.
Being a man isn’t never breaking. It’s refusing to stay broken.
A First Step You Can Take Today
Mirror + marker. Ten things you like about yourself. Read them out loud.
Call someone. Wife, friend, battle buddy, foreman, pastor—say the quiet stuff out loud.
Pick a physical practice. Three days a week. No excuses.
Book a pro. Therapist/psychologist. Think of it like a full-systems oil change.
If you’re in crisis: call/text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline). No shame. Just do it.
Why We Made This Episode
We didn’t record Ironcast E3 to chase clicks. We recorded it because in our line of work—veterans, tradesmen, first responders, blue-collar providers—silence kills. If this episode gives even one guy the nudge to get help, it was worth it.
Watch the full conversation. Share it with a buddy who needs to hear a straight answer. Then get to work on yourself. We need you alive, strong, and useful.
SEO Cheatsheet (for the robots—and for discovery)
Primary keywords: PTSD, veteran mental health, men’s mental health, trauma recovery, Big-T vs Little-T trauma, Utah National Guard, Afghanistan veteran, rock climbing therapy, gym therapy, resilience, leadership, TRT, sleep recovery, suicide prevention 988
Slug: /stories/ptsd-isn’t-fear-its-a-fight-ironcast-e3
Meta Title (≤60): PTSD Isn’t Fear—It’s a Fight | Ironcast E3 w/ Jake Seawolf
Meta Description (≤155): Combat veteran Jake Seawolf breaks down PTSD, Big-T vs Little-T trauma, and the gritty tools that actually help—therapy, physical practice, and honest leadership.
If this hit you in the chest—good. That’s your cue. Subscribe, tap into the Ironhide community, and tell a friend who’s too stubborn to ask for help.
